Running as fast as my little bird legs will go!
I have been struggling the last few weeks. I sometimes find myself in what I call a slump. I want to sleep a lot and really find it hard to get motivated to do anything. If I do make it out of the house I am fine….but making it out of the house is a battle of wills sometimes! I am sure it is a form of mild depression and I can easily assign it to the feelings I am dealing with about my father’s illness. But it still caught me off guard. I often think “I am a Christian…I should be able to find joy in Jesus. I shouldn’t be feeling like this!!” But I know better than to beat myself up….I simply must continue to seek Him in prayer and in His Holy word. I would love to say that the grip of sadness left me as soon as I turned to Him….but life can be sad, and at times the best we can do is to constantly make a choice to trust in Him. One day, I literally had to pray for strength for each task I knew I needed to do that day. All I wanted to do was go take a nap, but instead I would pray that God help me to fold the laundry, and then “God help me to put it away please!” It was a long day, but at the end of it I realized that despite how I felt, God had been faithful to keep me going. My house was clean, my family fed and cared for and I found my mood had changed. I didn’t feel so chained up or so heavy. I can’t say I was jumping up and down for joy…but it was an improvement! I thanked God for getting me through that day…and learned, once more, that when I depend on Him, He is more than capable to supply my needs! But that nagging “I should be able to snap out of it myself!” feelings lingered.
I was on a walk the next morning, lost in prayer. I was still praying and questioning God about how I was feeling when I looked up and I noticed a bird in the grass about 20 feet ahead of me. He became very still when he saw me but when I got closer he started running. He came out on the sidewalk and he was running as fast as his little bird legs would take him. Every once in a while he would look over his little bird shoulder at me to see if I was still there. I could see how stressed he was. Finally he veered to the right, hopped down the curb and ran across the street before he finally felt safe enough to slow down. I couldn’t help but giggle a little as I shook my head and literally said out loud “Don’t you know you can fly!” Then I thought…man that would have saved him a lot of stress if he just trusted in His God-given ability to fly!!! Then as I continued walking a thought drifted through my mind…..”You are like that little bird my child! You keep running as fast as you can on your own strength….but in My strength…Don’t you know you can fly?” It stopped me in my tracks. I have to say…I got a good little giggle, picturing myslef on little bird legs, running 90 miles an hour on my own strength trying to fix everything, control everything. Looking over my little bird shoulder to see what else is coming!No wonder we grow weary when we are trying to do it all on our own. But that isn’t what God wants for us. He is in control…we don’t need to run, or constantly be on the look out…..we need to place our hope in Him and then He does the rest!! I came home and looked up the scripture Isaiah 40:31 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. And there it was…God’s promise that if we continue to hope and trust in the Lord, He will not only renew our strength, but we will soar like eagles, run and not grow weary and will not faint. Once again, the peace I had been missing came flooding back in and around me.
God knows we will go through troubles, struggle with sadness. But He tells us to place our hope in Him and trust that He will lift us up and out of the pain of our circumstance. God also promises that if we keep coming to Him with gratitude, and prayer and petition…His peace, a supernatural peace, that surpasses all understanding will be ours through the Holy Spirit. Philippians 4:6-7 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. It might not come instantly…but it will come in God’s perfect timing. We may have to take our worry and purposefully turn it back over to God several times…but each time we do, we are telling Him that we trust Him….and that trust is always rewarded with His peace and joy. Hold on to His promises!! I did…and just like He said…He renewed my strength….and I know that with Him, I don’t need to run as fast as I can. With Him…I can fly!
I feel like I should add a sidenote here. The feelings of depression I sometimes feel are mild and can be managed with me being self-aware, pressing on through and most importantly depending on God for His help. If you are struggling with deeper depression…you may need to seek help from a Doctor or Christian Counselor of some kind. There is no shame in seeking help and it may be just what you need.
They are watching!!
I have decided the best thing we can do to fine tune our parenting skills, is simply seek to improve our relationship with Christ!
I have heard over and over that children learn by example. Walk the walk. Actions speak louder than words. But sometimes it is easy for me to get caught up in the idea that I have to drill stuff into them…read Bible verses every day…talk about God and the fruits of the Spirit. And while those have their place in the daily education of our children, nothing teaches them about the love of Christ better than us doing our best to live our lives loving on others with Christ’s strength. Every once in a while, God gives us a little glimpse, that our walk with Christ,and how we live our daily lives, is the most important factor in teaching our children how to live theirs. I had one of those special moments just yesterday.
Zane (10 years old) and I were watching Myth Busters together and the show was trying to prove whether Men or Women had a higher tolerance for pain. When it was proven that women have a higher tolerance than men, Zane asked me why I thought God might have given women this ability. I explained to him, that my guess was, women needed a higher level of pain tolerance to get them through child-birth.
He turned and looked at me and asked “Did it hurt to have me?” I gently explained to him…without too much detail…that Oh! My! Golly! it hurt!!! I told him to feel lucky he was a boy because that meant he would never have to feel that kind of pain!! Then I added “But…your wife will.”
He looked at me for a moment and I could tell he was thinking about something. For a moment I thought “Uh Oh! I have opened up a can of worms of questions that I want to close! NOW!!” But what came next left me speechless (and you know that is rare!). He had the sweetest expression on his face, almost sad ,and he said “I might not feel the pain, but it will hurt me that my wife is in that much pain.” Like I said…speechless! How could this ten year old comprehend the enormous love he would have for his ‘someday’ wife? I was simply overwhelmed and touched by his sincerity. I felt like I caught a glimpse of the man he was going to be and it brought me to tears. And I knew, this was not a lesson he had learned from any lecture I had given him….but I knew, with a smile, exactly where he had learned it!
Later that night I told Matt the story and what Zane had said. Matt smiled and said “You taught him well!” I sat down and looked at him and shook my head. “No. It wasn’t me. I can TELL him to respect women and protect them and love them. But he has LEARNED it from watching you, his father.” I walked away thanking God for my husband and the loving example he is to my children. I was also thanking God for the reminder that when it comes to raising kids….actions do speak louder than words. We can try to teach them the lessons in the Bible until we are blue in the face…but it won’t stick until they see us living out those lessons in the way we interact with each other. Deuteronomy 4:9 9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Psalm 23
Our God knows us. Every part of us. He knows what we need and supplies it, if we depend on Him to do so. He is such a gracious and giving God and gives us more than we could ever imagine to ask for.
I wrote recently about my friends Robin and Steve whose daughter, Tessa, went home to be with Jesus on the same day she was born. Robin and I grew to be very close during her pregnancy and I was blessed with the gift of being with Tessa and Steve, her father, for the three hours she graced this world, in the NICU. I prayed for and with my sweet friends too many times to count. They taught me so much about depending on God to walk you through the valley. In Robin’s words…the valley is much more like walking through a fire. They got through that fire only by depending on their loving God. Were they angry…you bet. Were they sad…unspeakably so. Were they faithful to lay all of this at God’s feet and trust in Him one little step at a time…undoubtably. This is what their friends saw. This is how God used them and their ordeal to strengthen the faith of those around them. God knew each day what they needed to get through that day and He supplied it. One morning, God used me to supply what Robin needed.
I feel like I should preface this story with letting you know I have never, not once, dreamt of Jesus. I have never seen Him or heard His voice in a dream. I believe when I hear or see Him or feel Him….it is Him and He would not allow me to be confused by a made up image of Him in a dream.
It was early, I was just starting to wake up. But I was still in that sleep state, in between fully awake and fully asleep.I suddenly saw a vision of a man holding a baby. I knew without even questioning that this man was Jesus and the baby was Tessa. He was standing under a tree, holding Tessa. He was holding her and talking to her and delighting in her. She was smiling and reaching towards His face. He gently grabbed her hand and kissed it and smiled. I knew instinctively that I was not supposed to go to them or speak, I was just supposed to see the two of them. Rejoice in the two of them. Then I woke up, tears streaming down my face…joyful tears.
God had graciously shown me that His sweet daughter was home and being taken care of by the loving arms of Jesus. Not only was she with Jesus….He delighted in her presence. I got on my knees and thanked God for this precious gift. I was also wondering, why me? Why did Robin not receive this gift? Or Steve? Was I supposed to share it with them? Would it hurt them? Would they feel betrayed by God that He had given me this gift and not them? So many questions because I love Robin and Steve and the last thing I would want to do is cause them more pain. So I left it at God’s feet. And as usual….He led me to where I needed to be.
Robin called and wanted to know if I had time for breakfast. (remember, I don’t believe in coincidence, I believe in God!) So we went to our favorite little breakfast spot and found a table in the corner. We talked and enjoyed the morning and I waited for God to lead me to the right moment to share my story with Robin. I could usually gauge what Robin’s heart was feeling each day. Somedays grief, somedays anger, somedays hope. Today she was lonely. She told me “I miss her.” I gently asked her if I could share a story about Tessa with her. Her eyes lit up and she said “Of course!”
I told her what I had seen, the joy in Jesus’s face. Her healthy little girl, smiling. Robin and I both were crying when I finished and I thought “Oh no! I made it worse!” But Robin smiled and said “Thank you for that.” I grabbed her hand and said “I didn’t want to make you cry. I don’t know why He gave me this vision and not you….I’m Sorry.” But in true Robin fashion, she looked right at me and said “I know why you saw her and I didn’t. Because I would have wanted to touch her, to hold her, to take her with me and I couldn’t have. But I needed to hear about her.” God knew exactly what Robin needed and what she could handle and gave her that gift through me. I am forever changed and forever grateful.
What are you going through? What do you need to trust God for? God knows you….He knows what you need and what you can handle. Trust in Him…no matter what the situation and look for His gifts that let you know He is with you. He is good and gracious and will always be there for you. He makes you lie down because He knows you need rest….He refreshes your soul, He guides you, He prepares a table for you. He comforts you, His goodness and love follow you!! What more could we need? These are not just my words…these are the promises of God given to us in Psalm 23…..
Psalm 231 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Right place, God’s time!
I have found that one of the ways I find peace and joy in the Lord is to trust that I am always exactly where I am supposed to be (unless I feel Him urging me to be somewhere else!). Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. If I find myself stuck in traffic with my blood pressure starting to rise, I stop and think “I am where I am supposed to be, Thank you God!” And the frustration starts to go away.
Sometimes, He will show us why we were there! Have you ever been grumbling as you were stuck behind someone going slow when you were in a hurry, only to find a cop sitting around the next curve? Do you stop and recognize God for His blessing of putting that slow person in front of you? Cause you know you would have been going twenty over the speed limit without them!! I asked God to help me recognize His grace in those daily moments and find joy in knowing He is in all the details of my life. He has been so faithful to open my eyes.
Sometimes, we are where we are, not for ourselves but for the blessing of someone else. I was at my boys school making copies one Friday, when just as I was about to finish up, a teacher came in with “just a few” copies to make. So I cleared out of her way and sat down. “Just a few” turned into at least ten minutes worth of copies. I so wanted to grumble…but instead I prayed. “God, I am feeling a little used here, but I am going to trust that my behind is exactly where it is supposed to be. Thank you for always watching out for me and directing my path! And if it be your will……could you make her hurry up?”
Well, she finally finished and I even meant my smile when she thanked me! It is funny how God can calm you down when you turn to Him in a moment of frustration! I returned to the copier and finished up. As I turned to grab my purse, an older woman who is one of the janitors walked in. I smiled and asked her how she was doing and she said “Oh thank the good Lord it is Friday, I need a break!” Something in the way she said it led me to put my purse down and just listen. She told me about how she is 67 and has four young kids that she has adopted. She works all week to take care of them. I noticed that as kids walked by the room we were in, they would stop and smile and say “Hi Gramma!” I asked if these were her children. She laughed and said “No. A lot of these sweet kids call me Gramma. They need someone to love them.” We talked for a while and as the conversation came to a close she said “Sometimes, I lay on my bed and think ‘I can’t do this!'” “But this is when God whispers to me ‘You can do all things with my Strength!'” I asked if there was anything I could do and she said “Just pray for me please!” So I grabbed her hands and prayed. With tears in her eyes she gave me a big hug and said she better get going.
As I stood there, I knew exactly why I had been interrupted earlier. God wanted me in that copy room just a little bit longer. He knew what time my new friend would be entering that room, exhausted, and that she would need a friendly smile and an ear to listen. He knew that she would need to be lifted up with prayer, to be strengthened once again by His reminder that He loves her.
She and I have struck up a friendship and I look forward to the lessons God will teach me through her. I can only hope to someday have a servant’s heart like hers. Hopefully, He will use me to bless her also!
I encourage you to start trusting that you are right were God wants you! You will be unbelievably blessed!
Forgive yourself!
I was talking to someone the other day and they were saying they could easily forgive others. It was themselves they had a hard time forgiving, and therefore they have a hard time figuring out how God could forgive them. I am guessing a lot of us feel this way. We know everything we have ever done…every thought, every action. We play it over in our head and we believe Satan’s lies when he tells us “No one could ever forgive that…especially God!”. So we hold on to it, keep it locked away and tell no one, hoping the hidden pain and shame just go away. But every once in a while we bring it back out and think “How could such a Holy God forgive such a terrible thing? How can I even forgive myself? “
These are lies that Satan tells us so that we will not give in to the forgiving Grace of our savior. He died on the cross for us. He was aware of every sin we would ever commit and chose to go through with the Father’s plan to reconcile us to Himself. When He carried His cross to Calvary and declared that He would die for all of our sins, He didn’t say “Except for that one that Stacy (fill in your own name there) is going to commit!” He died for all of our sins. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. To not accept His forgiveness is to tell Him what He did on the cross just wasn’t enough.
I had a friend ask me one time “How could He possibly forgive me?” At first I struggled with an answer that would make sense, but graciously, God brought an image to my mind of my daughter, my precious, sweet daughter. In the vision, she was on her knees in front of me, sobbing, broken and crying over and over “I am so sorry….I am so so sorry!” My heart broke in a million pieces and all I could think of was how I would want to tell her everything was okay…whatever it was I had already forgiven her for. I thought to myself “If this were real…I couldn’t think of one thing that my daughter might do that I wouldn’t forgive her for instantly.” I would want to wrap my arms around her and heal her heart. Try picturing your own child…or someone you love dearly, broken before you and tell me you wouldn’t forgive them in a heart beat!
Our Holy Father loves us with perfect love, amazingly more perfect than the love we have for our own children. If we go to Him, broken and asking for forgiveness, He not only wants to wrap His arms around us and lift us up and heal us….He has the power to do so. He is waiting for us to stop running from the pain and get on our knees and truly ask for His forgiveness. When we do this, that is when the Holy Spirit builds us up with God’s truths and we find through His power we can let go and forgive ourselves. We must have the faith that He can do this…that is our only job, trust Him.Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Satan doesn’t want you to go to God or another Christian for counsel. He tries to get us to keep it secret. Nothing holds more power over us then a secret. It stirs up fear and anxiety and thoughts of shame. “No one has ever done anything this bad!” But when we confess our sins out loud to God, the secret loses its power. The same happens when we confess to another Christian and ask them to pray for us. James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
When we ask for forgiveness from God we can trust that in Christ, the old is washed away.Hebrews 10:22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.We must remember that these promises of a clear conscience are fulfilled through the Holy Spirit…not through our own power. We simply trust, and ask for forgiveness with a sincere heart. That is when the Holy Spirit replaces our guilt with peace we could never imagine!
Go….run…to the forgiving arms of our Father. Confess that sin that has held you in bondage, (He already knows about it anyway!!!)…tell Him the shame you have carried, whisper how you don’t understand how He could forgive you …but trust that He will. When He sees His child on their knees, broken….He will lift you up and heal your heart.
I’m Sorry!
So I heard Osama is dead. Killed by US forces. It is hard to explain my reaction about it. I felt, well, not much. I didn’t feel the jubilation I thought I might. I didn’t feel overly excited, because I assume someone is standing in the wings waiting to take his place. I was sad that my prayer a few years ago had not been answered. I had prayed that God win Osama’s heart….what a witness to the changing power of Grace that would have been. But that doesn’t seem to be the case….Osama died a sworn enemy of Christ. That means he is condemned to eternity in the depths of Hell and I will never rejoice when I realize the pain and suffering someone will endure….forever, because they did not accept the loving sacrifice of Jesus. I am not belittling the pain he caused. He was a monster. But I am told by my savior to pray for my enemies and mourn when a soul turns from Him and His saving grace.
I searched the scriptures that day, trying to figure out a Biblical standpoint on how to feel about the death of such an evil man. I found Proverbs 11:10 When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. I read it and posted it on my Facebook status. But I can’t say I felt joyful…even after reading it. Soon after I read a post of a friend Proverbs 24:17-18 Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them.
I was so confused. It seemed to me at first that these were conflicting statements….but the word of God does not contradict itself. So I prayed. I asked God to help me understand the two scriptures and help me right a wrong I may have done by posting so quickly the first scripture. You see, my spirit never felt like rejoicing. I never felt right….even after posting the Proverbs 11:10….so I knew there was more to the story. While praying and researching the Bible and on the internet, my friend Brett asked me to read his brother’s blog…so I did. In his blog he referenced both scriptures…Proverbs 11:10 and Proverbs 24:17-18 and shared an insight that makes sense to me.
Proverbs 11:10 When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices: when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy….this is a statement. An observation of human response.
Proverbs 24:17-18 Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them….this is a command, from God, on how to respond to your enemies demise.
This, my soul is at peace with. We have a natural response to rejoice when our enemies fall, but God asks us to take control of our thoughts and focus our eyes on Christ, and walk in obedience to His commands. I believe that vengeance was the Lord’s on Sunday. I believe that God gave Osama Bin Laden time to turn to Him, but Bin Laden chose not to. I believe God takes no pleasure in Bin Laden’s death….Ezekeil 33:11″Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord GOD, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live, therefore, I believe we should take no pleasure in it either.
I am so very sorry if my original, hasty, post on Facebook caused any of you to falter. It is just a big reminder that only God is God and we must seek Him and His truth’s at all cost. This is what I have studied and this is what I now am at peace with after prayer and research. You must pray and read scriptures on your own to come up with what God is convicting you of! Never take someone else’s words as the end all be all truth…even mine!! 🙂 Especially mine!! Only God’s word is always truth!! I have learned a huge lesson and promise to do more research on the scriptures next time…and take better stock of my emotions and listen to the Holy Spirit…if I hadn’t been in such a hurry I would have recognized that I was not at ease. I am very sorry.
I do want to give a big thank you to Brett Burleson for directing me to his brother’s blog…Wade Burleson at http://kerussocharis.blogspot.com/
His grace is enough for me! 