I have not been given a spirit of fear!
I volunteer every Monday at my 2nd graders school. I usually go in and help with the morning routine, do my duty and then leave. This Monday was different though. I sat in the parking lot before going into the school and I prayed. I prayed for those parents who had lost a child in the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. I prayed for the teachers across America who went to school that day with a new burden on their shoulders. I prayed for the administrators who faced the daunting task of maintaining normalcy while incorporating a whole new level of vigilance in our schools. I looked at the flag in front of the school. It was at half mast. I realized the students brought out the flag each day and hung the flag on the flag pole. I wondered if those three students even understood why they were told to fly it at half mast that day. I prayed for them.
I approached the doors and fought back the anger as I pictured the killer approaching the doors. I wondered what was going through his mind. How his adrenaline must have been racing at the thought of what he was about to do. I literally dry heaved at this thought. I pushed the buzzer and waited to be let in. I looked up at the camera and took my hands out of my pockets to relieve a little of the stress the sweet secretary must have been feeling this day…being the one in charge of letting people in to her school…letting them in to have access to her sweet kids. She is a lovely lady who always greets me with a smile. The Monday before this one she had shared with me that her son Shawn had died five years ago in an accident. She spoke of his favorite Christmas Carol and favorite holiday candle. She lit up when talking about him and I was so grateful she shared her son with me. She also shared with me a glimpse of the peace and joy Christ can fill you with when you hand him your pain. The peace Jesus Himself promised us in John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. As I approached her this time, I prayed for her. My eyes filled with tears as I said “Hi”. She greeted me with her usual smile and as usual checked to make sure where I was going in the school. We shared a glance that spoke volumes…she seemed to tell me with just a glance…this will be a happy place for these children, this will be a safe place.
I walked down the hall to Jacob’s classroom. I prayed for each class I passed. Tears spilled over my eyes as I fought back the sounds and the images those sweet children at Sandy Hook faced that day. I composed myself as I went into the classroom. All of the kids smiled. Some said “Hi Mrs. Cliver!” Jacob gave his usual ‘That’s my Mom!’ smile! I sat down and looked around the classroom. How would I get them out if I had to? Where could I hide them? Could I break the window with a chair? Could I barricade the door with a cabinet as Mrs. Dempsey hid the children in the corner? Would we try to get them out the doors right next to their classroom….but the playground is fenced in..they would be trapped out there!! It was too much….and then I felt my spirit say “STOP”! My heart was racing, my thoughts were too and the Holy Spirit reminded me of the scripture ….2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I memorized it a few years earlier to break the stronghold fear had once had on my life. I repeated the words and let the peace overtake me. I turned my attention to the children. They were sitting at Mrs. Dempsey’s feet, listening to her read “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”. Some watched, eyes wide with wonder, some read along with her, some interrupted to tell ‘oh so important stories’ the story had reminded them of! Mrs. Dempsey laughed along with them and shared some of her own stories. I felt God’s presence there. I could picture Jesus sitting on the floor, criss cross applesauce, with somehow every one of those sweet children in His lap. For the first time since the previous Friday, I felt peace. I crawled up into Jesus’ lap too and gave all my pain to Him and all my confusion to Him and all my questions to Him and simply rested in knowing He was here….and He was there, at Sandy Hook. We may not understand why this tragedy was allowed to take place, but we can be sure He was there, weeping over how evil this world has become, comforting, protecting and then welcoming these children into His arms where they would never face fear again!
It also occurred to me, as I watched the children listen to the story, they knew no fear. They sat in that classroom and their safety wasn’t even a thought that crossed their mind. And I rejoiced in that fact. It occurred to me that the sweet children of Sandy Hook went to school that day with no fear. They went along their daily routines and up until the very last moments of their lives…Praise God, they knew no fear. And now, Praise God, will never face it again. I hope, someday their parents take some solace in the fact that with God’s help, their children knew no fear in the six years they lived on this Earth. Only laughter and joy and sweet butterfly kisses and wonder and peace. I pray for the parents left behind. I can’t imagine the pain they face and what they wouldn’t do to have one more hug. Each time I see a picture of one of those precious babies I pray for their family….I pray the child had no pain and no fear…that the end came mercifully quick. I lift up their families and pray that God hold them together. That the destruction ended that day when the killer took his own life. That families not fall apart over this, that families allow God to heal their broken hearts. And I vow to honor these children and teachers who lost their lives by giving my children the gift of knowing no fear. I have lifted my children up in prayer and handed them over to their Holy Father. I have not been given a spirit of fear…I have been given the Holy Spirit…the Spirit of God Himself. So I will teach my children that they too have the Spirit of God Himself living in them and they don’t have to be afraid of anything. And then, in the moment God takes them home, they will run into Jesus’ arms having lived a life here on Earth full of trust in God and they will have lived life to its fullest having known no fear. For all they need to know when faced with the horrors of this world is this Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
His grace is enough for me! 